A story still unfolding

In December 2020 — a moment would creep up on me that I would never forget, shortly after the death of my beloved Grandmother, Violet. This would be the first time I had experienced someone or something so close to me leave my life, other than my previous pet companions. I remember the moment I heard the news, a narcissistic person I was around would yell at me because they had to be somewhere. This summed up the treatment from people I accepted previous to my transformation, for the guilt, shame, and unworthiness truly overtook my ability to understand what it meant to value ones self. I was living with complex-PTSD, a past of violent and emotional abuse — I am a sex traffic survivor, spending 5 years numb and outside of my body. I never liked to show this on the outside, instead I powered my way through with a big smile and larger persona that made most think I had it all figured out. This moment, the moment I heard the true voice within me, this was the Divine Mothers way of drawing the curtain — forcing me to face myself in the most profound way — a Saturn Return level reckoning. 

A psychological and spiritual maturation cycle was strongly under way. In this same year, I had started a media business on my own, thanks to a few leaps taken before Covid that had made me jobless. Looking back, I had a lot on my plate and all of it was perfectly timed. I thought I was about to make miracles happen and soar to the top of my wildest success dreams — the overachiever in me was ecstatic. I left that initiatory and profound moment in the back of my mind — honestly I thought any therapist or friend would just think I was insane if I described what had happened. I continued forward with the strong mask and persona I was so good at carrying, and walked the path towards building my “empire”. 

There was one problem I couldn’t ignore —  the world looked totally different in perspective and I couldn’t un-see it. Episodes of spiritual and psychological destabilization, along with nervous-system breakdowns, fears, and past traumas were rising from the subconscious into my awareness. The mask was weakening and I needed to learn how to regulate my system, so I started meditating with a few guided videos on YouTube. I continued to learn about astrology and seek professionals who could break down the basis of who I was habitually and where I was on my path. My curiosity for truth, truth of who I was, what was happening, and why I felt so taken by my own emotions. Dreams, visions, fears… what the F*CK — Every step I thought was forward materially, was met with consequence. 

Eventually, in the fall of 2022, I would have another episode, the Shakti would rise and a deep activation would be under way — one I knew nothing about scientifically, yet somehow the soul knew exactly what was happening. The tears poured, the heat rose, and the extreme pain that was stuck between my solar plexus and heart was unbearable — I think I scared the living sh*t out of my roommate at the time. This time I didn’t try to ignore the force, or cover it up with a mask — I embodied it and learned how to build daily discipline that grounded the energy into my body. 

There were many changes that I surrendered to, I didn’t have a choice; fasting, dietary changes, and time each day spend in Sadhana (daily practice). This was when I was lead to Kundalini Yoga — everything in my life as I knew it truly started to change and there was no faking the funk, it was time to face myself and cleanse. Relationships of all kinds either shifted or left, all that was not aligned with who I was becoming was ripped from my world. Soon it felt like I was walking through a dark black alley and could only see the tiny light far far away — so I kept walking. A 40 day sadhana, turned to 90 days, then 120, now here we are in 2026 and I am still doing my sadhana. Slowly what was a very ecstatic expansive experience, started to mature into structure and routine. 

Another year passed as I learned to balance who I was and who I was becoming, and my life took another turn. In 2023, I surrendered my business dreams, packed all that I owned into a small storage locker, and booked a one-way ticket to South East Asia — Shakti is a force, and she moves quickly.

The isolation period is what many miss when discussing an awakening or Saturn Return — this is the most crucial time to rewire, reorganize, and re-establish the self. I spent much of this period wandering the world, mostly on my own. I lived in monasteries, visited ancient grounds, hiked pilgrimages, and occasionally took a training or session here and there with a healer or teacher along the way. My sadhana deepened and my transformation was becoming more practical. I was getting to know myself for who I truly was at the soul level, see where I was selling myself out, and learn to truly love who I am. I wrote, I prayed, I danced solo and watched sunsets — I became best friends with my shadow, learned how to hug her, and what followed was long-term integration of truth. 

It is 2026, and I live on the rooftop of a beautiful temple/ashram in the south of India, serving children in underserved communities and holding a grounded container for others walking the path toward their truth.

That one-way ticket became a doorway into the truth of who I was becoming and where my life was asking me to grow next. What I moved through was a deeply human maturation and rebirth cycle — one I now understand through lived experience and steady integration. Many people carry a journey like this quietly. Mine taught me how to trust myself, love myself, support myself, and most importantly — heal my Self.